Understanding the Mother Wound: How to Heal the Relationship with your mother with somatic shamanic healing

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If you've ever felt like you disappointed your mother, or if you don't feel like she was able to meet your expectations, then you may have a mother wound.

If you have a strong emotional connection to your mother or other female caregivers, it is likely that they were not able to provide what you needed as a child. This may cause you to feel disconnected from them or even angry because they didn't give you what you needed. Healing our mother wounds can help us feel more connected with our mothers, not just emotionally but physically too. This allows us to heal from past wounds caused by childhood trauma, such as abandonment or abuse by those who were supposed to protect us but instead hurt us deeply.

If you’ve ever dabbled in the basics of personal development or sat in a therapist’s office you have probably seen the term “mother wound” come up at some point. But what is the mother wound? Just as I discussed in my blog post on 8 Signs You May Notice as You’re Healing from Trauma , our emotional wounds are invisible and intangible. Do we all have a mother wound? What are the signs and impacts of the mother wound? And most importantly-how can we heal from our mother wound?

As my community knows, I enjoy breaking down the meaning of intangible and esoteric words into tangible, digestible nuggets of wisdom (nerd alert!). These are all fantastic questions and as a shamanic practitioner who specializes in ancestral healing, somatic therapy and trauma-informed practices myself, this is exactly the kind of work I guide my clients through every day, whether it’s with my 1-on-1 sessions or through my online programs.

In this blog post, I’m going to define the mother wound and explore what the mother wound is, how it can manifest, and the ways somatic shamanic healing can offer a path to healing and a softening of the pain from our childhood (along with 4 easy steps you can take today to tend to our childhood wounds).

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TRAUMA HEALING SERIES

I have so many tips to share on the subject that it would have been riddikulus to put it all in one article! (Harry Potter reference…anyone?!)

There are many misconceptions about Spiritual Healing which is why I've dedicated so many posts & videos to this topic. Enjoy!

Work with Adrenna - explore my spiritual healing services & online courses

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What is the Mother Wound?

Regardless of the relationship, something as humans that we share collectively is that we all have mothers. Some of us have loving memories of our mothers and we often think of the nurturing and care they offered us as a child. Others carry wounds so deep that reflect a painful and complex tangled mess that often needs decades of healing to sort out. To add complexity, most of our relationships are not “all or nothing”. There may be periods or seasons where our mothers were exactly what we needed and there may have been moments or experiences where our own mothers lacked the resources they needed and could be not there for us in the way we needed.

The mother wound is the emotional pain and spiritual trauma that occurs from an unhealthy (dysfunctional) relationship with one’s mother. s. The mother wound is the pain we feel when we cannot meet our own expectations for our mothers. It manifests in many ways, such as anger, resentment, guilt, or grief. This can include a range of experiences, from neglect and abandonment to emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.

The mother wound also includes feeling like we missed out on an opportunity to be the kind of person who would have been good at being a mother--if only we had gotten there sooner!

The mother wound is often not talked about because it is so painful. It can be very difficult for us to talk about the ways in which our mothers disappointed us, let us down or hurt us. Even more challenging is acknowledging that we may have disappointed ourselves by not meeting our own expectations for how we thought motherhood would go.

The mother wound is a deep wound because it touches on all areas of our lives: from body image, self-worth to identity-a mother wound leaves wake of destruction for us to clean up as individuals as as a collective.

Do I have a mother wound?

Here are the ways that the mother wound can show up in our lives without us knowing:

• low self-esteem

• shame

• anxiety

• depression

• may struggle with intimacy and trust

• have difficulty setting boundaries

• engage in self-sabotaging behaviors

  Why do we have a Mother Wound? How do we get wounded from our mothers?

  If you've ever felt like you disappointed your mother, or if you don't feel like she was able to meet your expectations, then you may have a mother wound.

  As humans, one of our basic needs is the need to be seen, heard, understood and loved. We need to know that what we're saying is okay and that our feelings are valid. We want to be respected as people who have value in the world; someone who can bring something unique and important to the table. It's not just about feeling safe but also feeling valued by those around us--it's a matter of respect!

  But as children or growing up, those needs may not have been met. Some of us never felt seen, heard, understood, or loved in our childhood homes. In fact, a lot of us felt invisible or had to shoulder the burden of caretaking for siblings simply because they were “the responsible one.” A lot of clients that I work with (and even myself) have had to do a lot of healing surrounding the wounds of our invisibility cloak masked with perfectionism and people pleasing so we could manage and survive our childhood. Those with a mother wound most likely developed a false sense of self that is wrapped up in trying to be what you should be.

  Whether it was our parent’s generation and how they learned to be a parent from their parents (who couldn’t figure out their shit either), some households functioned underneath the concept of “children are better seen, not heard.” This may have seemed “normal” for many of us, but the truth is-it isn’t normal for us to be neglected or abused. We come into this world literally dependent on others for survival. As much as this is known as we come into this world, our mothers hold the impossible task of being our “everything” for the first few years of our life. When this is healthy and balanced, children have a healthy attachment to their mother, and the wounds, if any, are addressed within the moment vs. being swept underneath a rug never to be spoken about again. It is an unfortunate truth that some mothers do not have the capacity or capability to be the mother we needed them to be. Once we can truly understand this realization, we can release a lot of the weight we place upon our mothers and can begin to recognize that we can nurture ourselves, and heal our own inner child regardless if our mothers in our present lives can not or will not take responsibility for the wounds they left haphazardly.

Healing the collective Mother Wound

The collective mother wound is the shared pain and trauma that stems from the societal and cultural expectations placed on mothers and motherhood.

It is the result of generations of mothers who have been oppressed, undervalued and unsupported. The collective mother wound can manifest in a variety of ways, such as perpetuating unhealthy mother-child relationships or societal pressure to conform to traditional gender roles. Healing the collective mother wound requires acknowledging and addressing the systemic issues that perpetuate it, such as gender inequality and patriarchal structures. We can begin to heal the collective mother wound by supporting mothers, promoting gender equality, and advocating for policies that support families and caregivers.

One example of the collective mother wound is the societal pressure that places the burden of childcare and household responsibilities primarily on mothers. This pressure stems from traditional gender roles that have been reinforced for generations and often result in mothers having to sacrifice their careers, personal growth, and social lives for the sake of their families. This can lead to feelings of isolation, overwhelm, and burnout, as well as limiting opportunities for mothers to pursue their passions and achieve their full potential.

Another example is the lack of support for mothers and caregivers, particularly in terms of affordable childcare, paid parental leave, and flexible work arrangements. Without these resources, mothers may struggle to balance their responsibilities at home and work, leading to stress, exhaustion, and financial instability. This can also impact children's well-being, as they may not receive the care and attention they need from their mothers.

Perpetuating unhealthy mother-child relationships is also a result of the collective mother wound. This can include toxic or abusive behaviors, such as emotional neglect, physical or verbal abuse, or manipulation. These behaviors can be passed down from generation to generation, creating a cycle of dysfunction and pain that can be difficult to break. It also involves promoting gender equality, challenging traditional gender roles, and breaking the cycle of dysfunctional mother-child relationships.

Healing the mother wound is a complex and ongoing process, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Healing the collective mother wound requires addressing these systemic issues and advocating for policies and social structures that support mothers and caregivers However, some steps that can be taken include acknowledging and processing the pain, setting boundaries with one’s mother and other toxic individuals, seeking out therapy or support groups, and practicing self-care and self-compassion. It’s important to remember that healing is not linear, and setbacks and relapses are to be expected. With time, patience, and a commitment to self-growth, it is possible to begin healing the mother wound.

The Impact of the Mother Wound on our Lives

The impact of the mother wound on our lives can be far-reaching and significant.

One of the most common ways in which the mother wound manifests is in our ability to form healthy relationships. A dysfunctional relationship with our mother can make it difficult for us to trust others, set healthy boundaries, and navigate conflict. We may struggle with intimacy, feeling disconnected from others and ourselves, and have difficulty forming close bonds. This can lead to a pattern of unhealthy relationships as they may not know how to navigate them in a healthy way.

The mother wound can also impact our sense of self-worth and identity. If we felt neglected, abandoned, or emotionally abused by our mother, we may develop feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness. These feelings can manifest in a variety of ways, such as people-pleasing, perfectionism, or self-sabotage. We may struggle with our body image, have negative beliefs about our abilities or value, and feel like we are never good enough.

The mother wound can also have a significant impact on our mental health. It is often linked to chronic stress, anxiety, and depression. We may struggle with feelings of anger, resentment, or grief, and find it difficult to process these emotions. If we do not address our mother wound, it can lead to a cycle of negative thinking that can impact our overall well-being and quality of life.

Furthermore, the mother wound can have physical health consequences. Chronic stress and emotional pain can impact our immune system, leading to increased susceptibility to illness and disease. We may struggle with digestive issues, chronic pain, or other health problems. If we do not take care of our physical health, it can exacerbate the impact of the mother wound on our mental and emotional well-being.

Healing the mother wound is a complex and ongoing process, but it is possible. It requires acknowledging and processing the pain, seeking support, and making a commitment to self-growth and healing. This may involve therapy, support groups, or other forms of self-care. It is important to remember that healing is not linear, and setbacks and relapses are to be expected. However, with time, patience, and a commitment to self-growth, it is possible to find peace and resilience in the face of the mother wound.

Tend to Your Mother Wound and Heal Your Mommy Issuesthrough Somatic Shamanic Healing

Healing the Mother Wound is a deeply ingrained and complex issue that can impact all aspects of our lives, so we can imagine that healing this wound is also complex and an ongoing process, but healing is possible.

The mother wound is the pain we feel at being unable to meet our own expectations for our mothers. We all have a mother wound, and it is the key to healing our relationship with ourselves, with other women, and with the world.

The archetype of "mother" imprints itself onto us from birth through childhood experiences. As we grow up and become adults ourselves, this archetype remains active in our psyches unless we take steps to heal it by recognizing its impact on all aspects of our lives--our health and well-being; relationships; career choices; creative expression; spiritual practices; money management skills (or lack thereof).

Through Somatic Spiritual Therapy and counseling you can begin to acknowledge and work through the pain in a compassionate way.

4 Somatic Shamanic Steps to Work with Your Mother Wound and begin healing your inner child:

(without having to dive deep into your childhood trauma)

1. Acknowledge the wound.

   As simple as this step is-it is CRUCIAL to the healing process. Without acknowledging a wound, we can not heal it. Let’s say you went to the doctor and the doctor said, “dude! you’re bleeding, have a huge gash and need stitches.” But you have no idea what he’s talking about because it’s in your blind spot. Either the doctor is wrong (yet, you’re currently dripping blood all over the carpet) OR you are not in the space to acknowledge this wound. (Some would call this denial, but I try to approach our healing process with more compassion. Sometimes, we simply don’t know. And that’s ok)

2. Locate this wound in your body.

   Ask for your body to show or highlight the area where it is holding onto the mother wound. After discovering where your body is holding onto this energy, try to get as much information as possible. What does it physcailyl feel like in your body? What emotions do you notice? If this energy had a shape, color, texture, what would it look like? Get to know it as well as you can. If you’re having a difficult time, try framing it this way, “If I could sense this wound in my body, what might it look/feel like?”

3. Ask what this wound/energy would need in order to feel safe/heal.

   This is an incredibly healing process. By directly asking this energy would it need in order to heal, we are bypassing our mind’s ideas and “good intentions” and getting right to the heart of the matter: what your body actually needs to feel safe and heal vs. what you think it needs. What surprised me when I first began somatic shamanic healing was the direct messages I was receiving from my body. Be open to what you may hear, be open to the “weird”-trust what comes up and then offer that energy whatever it needs in order to feel safe or be healed. You will know when this is successful when the energy feels lighter, different, has shifted, or you no longer notice it.

4. Notice the shifts that have occurred because of the healing work.

   Pay attention to the subtle and not so subtle shifts in your life as a result of doing this work. As much as I would love to hand you a magic wand and see results as fast as Hermionie Granger can flick her wand and “wingardium le=VIDOA”- our healing journey isn’t quite like that. It does take time for these shifts to truly reverberate into the various aspects of your life, but you may notice a deeper understanding of your childhood pain right away. This deeper understanding often leads to reconnecting with ourselves, others, and the spiritual world in a truly beautiful way. When we have healed, we can also transmute our pain and our traumas and alchemize them to guide others on the healing path.

Somatic Shamanic Therapy and the Mother Wound

Healing from the Mother Wound is possible with somatic shamanic healing’s ancient wisdom and modern approaches to addressing the deep wounds of our maternal relationships. Each of us are worthy of feeling connectedness, belonging, love and freedom.

By understanding what the Mother Wound is, why we experience it, how it impacts our lives and the collective suffering that comes from it, it's easier to reach for the solution - compassionately tending to your personal Mother Wound. Working with a practitioner in Somatic Shamanic Therapy who has obtained their certification (hi, it’s me!) is one way to feel empowered and start your journey towards healing from the wounds of our mothers wounds.

Let go of your mother’s emotional baggage and make conscious choices that serve you best as you understand your past hurts more deeply than before. Let go of old grievances, forgive difficult behavior patterns on both sides and fill yourself with love, connection and joy. This work takes courage but imagine how free you will feel!

Heal your mother wound today with Somatic Shamanic Therapy today!

   It is important to note that this exercise is not in place of spiritual healing, rather it is a skill you can practice on your own adjunctive to effective spiritual healing work. If you are working with a somatic spiritual healer and notice something new while doing this exercise, jot it down and address it during your next session for deeper and continued work. If you are not in therapy or working with a trained spiritual practitioner with a specialty in trauma recovery, and realize that a lot has come up for you, I encourage you to begin your healing today.

Somatic shamanic healing can help you release the tension, trauma, and somatic stress carried on your body.

If you have been experiencing tension, anxiety, or trauma symptoms that express themselves in the body, due to something from the past, or specific to something that’s come up, I encourage you to reach out to a somatic spiritual healer today.

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Free Resources & Further Reading

• Easy and Gentle Trauma Informed Yoga Class

• 12 minute Yoga Nidra Meditation 

• Gentle Stretch Trauma Informed Yoga Class

• 9 minute Meditation for Mental Balance

• Reparenting Your Inner Child-pre-recorded workshop
  Grounding Meditation (client favorite!)

Managing Psychic Abilities , Mary Shutan 

When the Body Says No, Gabor Mate

Overcoming Trauma through Yoga , David Emerson